My name is James Jones. I have been waiting my whole life for the companionship you see in the movies. Social skills have never been my strength, and while I’ve had friends along the way, I’ve never had the kind of relationship about which sappy love songs and holidays are made. In today’s society, people are growing farther and farther apart, and it is getting easier to go through life alone. But still, society pushes the idea that you can’t do things on your own. Eating alone at a restaurant is “sad”, and going to see a movie by yourself is “strange”. Well, I’m tired of waiting.

Many years ago, I struggled with mental health issues. I survived severe depression and self harm. I am genuinely lucky to still be here today, and I plan on taking advantage of the extra time I was blessed with. I have been mentally stable for a long time (bye bye, antidepressants), and plan on living a very long life. But there are so many things I almost missed out on. I am going to do them all, and I will track my progress here. I am done waiting for someone to push me forward. I will go skydiving, hang gliding, perform a stand-up comedy routine. I will go diving in the ocean, submit a poem to a poetry contest, and ride on a hot air balloon. My bucket list goes on for miles. I recently started a second job, and the income from it will go directly to items on my list.

Years of near-debilitating social anxiety have kept me from many of the life experiences I should have had by now. I am 19 years old, and I’ve never gotten drunk, spent the night with someone, or broke curfew. I live on my own now, and work full time as a garde manger chef at a hotel in sunny California. My part-time job is at a bakery. While a central theme in my quest is that I’m doing this alone, I expect to meet people on the way. I will push myself to the limits of my comfort zone, and gain experience with the things I’ve been so scared of for so long. I am done living in fear of other people, and I’m done waiting around for someone to love me. Depression and suicide run in my family. I have no idea if I am truly past it, or if one day it will ail me again. So for now, I am so incredibly grateful to still be alive. I owe it to myself to live each moment as my last.