Well, my first paycheck from the bakery came in… 1.5 weeks sooner than I expected it. Since it was so early, it was also significantly less than I need to complete my skydiving goal. Which means it will be a few more weeks before I get to launch myself out of an airplane.

I’ve been thinking a lot about long term goals. I’ve prided myself for the past year or so on not thinking too far into my future. When I was younger, I was constantly anxious about the future. And the present. And the past. But I’ve been working to come to terms with my utter lack of control of the world. And frankly, I think I’ve done enough worrying for a while. And while it’s strange to not know what my next step is, it’s wonderful to be able to find peace in the present. But lately I’ve been thinking about my next step after I graduate. I’m 1/3 of the way through my apprenticeship already, and my college graduation in April of 2024 feels closer than ever. I’ve been working my ass of since I was 14, and I’ve come to realize that I could actually own a house in the foreseeable future. Probably not in California, where they’ll likely soon be bottling and selling fresh air, but I could move back to Washington, or go somewhere totally new.

It’s hard to determine what direction I’d like to go in next. Should I hide away in school for a few more years? Grow up a little so coworkers might respect me more? Or can I just get on with living the life I’m finally able to have? Do I need to find another rent-free place to live? Is 20 years old too young to start a life? I have so many questions about my next step, but, refreshingly, I’m not anxious about it. I’m genuinely excited to see what’s next. For now, I’ll focus on the short-term goals on my bucket list, and, in the meantime, I’ve also started keeping a list of long-term goals. I’m keeping that list small, though, and I won’t be sharing it here. Those goals are impermanent, and I need to keep them to myself to secure the ability to change them.

With so many questions about, well, everything, I’m trying to focus on what I can control. I’m working on the few items on my list that I can accomplish for free. I am learning to write with my left hand. I bought a strawberry plant. I am most of the way through a book for the first time in quite awhile. I am testing my ability to drive to specific places without GPS (which usually just leads to finding new places). I don’t want to waste my time here focused on the future and the TV. On my days off, I’ve been going to beaches and reading, climbing trees I find in state parks, and going to farmers markets. As usual, I spend hours in whatever coffee shop I can find. I also cook for myself at every opportunity. In some ways, life is much simpler than I ever expected it to be.